Monday, August 20, 2012

Uncertain.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me.  I keep writing blog posts and they keep ending up in my draft pile.  Six weeks ago I had whittled away at my draft pile (by deleting or rewriting and posting) until I was down to 42; now I'm back up to 57.  I am pondering some weighty things these days (well, weighty for my limited brain capacity) and it just never seems quite right to post yet what I'm thinking about.

Between being sick around here and being in conflict with my siblings over various and complicated and baggage-filled issues, I'm also feeling a little worn down these days.  Sometimes, when in bed at night and starting to write, I simply feel too empty to continue and so I turn on a netflix movie instead.

The other complication is that I probably shouldn't post everything that I am writing about.  Perhaps because the issues feel too fresh, perhaps because I don't know how these posts would be received, perhaps - heck, I don't know, there are lots of reasons not to publish some of the stuff I've been coming up with.  But I end up feeling a little inauthentic.  It's hard for me to write casual posts when there's a lot of stuff going on in my life and in my heart that I'm preoccupied thinking about.  I'm trying to figure out where the balance is, I guess.

9 comments:

  1. my comment just got eaten. D'oh.

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  2. Sorry Claudia - not sure what happened. I've recently had some problems leaving comments on other people's blogs and I know it's frustrating. If there's something I need to do to fix a problem, just let me know.

    Thanks for trying!!

    BLessings, Claudia.

    Ruth

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  3. I completely understand how you are feeling. Our little road trip came at the perfect time for me as we've been having some family conflict lately as well and we all just needed a break. It was refreshing to get away to spend some time with good friends who let me vent and didn't judge. I'd recommend having some coffee dates or phone calls with good friends. Sometimes just being heard by someone who cares can lighten the load in your brain and heart. :)

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  4. Thanks Katie. Sounds like you're in a similar space!!

    I wish you lived closer - we could share one of those coffee dates!

    Blessings,

    Ruth

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  5. Thanks Katie. Sounds like you're in a similar space!!

    I wish you lived closer - we could share one of those coffee dates!

    Blessings,

    Ruth

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  6. Oh I so get that....it's so hard to write sometimes, especially when you're not sure who exactly is reading.;) I have almost quit blogging several times because of this very reason. Well, I love reading anything you write;)...so just keep going, girl!

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  7. Thanks Darc - always one of my biggest supporters!!

    And thx for taking the time to comment...I know that your life is more than a little crazy these days!

    Blessings,

    Ruth

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  8. Thanks Darc - always one of my biggest supporters!!

    And thx for taking the time to comment...I know that your life is more than a little crazy these days!

    Blessings,

    Ruth

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  9. I think you hit the nail on the head about finding your balance point. Ultimately the blog is yours and your family's, and I imagine that the process of writing about some of the weighty stuff you are dealing with helps you clarify and work through it. I think there are things that are just too private and personal to share with who knows who reads you on the internet, and because your blog is your own, you never need to worry about being inauthentic- I don't think that is possible :)

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