I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I keep writing blog posts and they keep ending up in my draft pile. Six weeks ago I had whittled away at my draft pile (by deleting or rewriting and posting) until I was down to 42; now I'm back up to 57. I am pondering some weighty things these days (well, weighty for my limited brain capacity) and it just never seems quite right to post yet what I'm thinking about.
Between being sick around here and being in conflict with my siblings over various and complicated and baggage-filled issues, I'm also feeling a little worn down these days. Sometimes, when in bed at night and starting to write, I simply feel too empty to continue and so I turn on a netflix movie instead.
The other complication is that I probably shouldn't post everything that I am writing about. Perhaps because the issues feel too fresh, perhaps because I don't know how these posts would be received, perhaps - heck, I don't know, there are lots of reasons not to publish some of the stuff I've been coming up with. But I end up feeling a little inauthentic. It's hard for me to write casual posts when there's a lot of stuff going on in my life and in my heart that I'm preoccupied thinking about. I'm trying to figure out where the balance is, I guess.