A few weeks ago I was wondering if I should stop writing my blog. I wasn't feeling terribly inspired (or maybe I was just tired), I was getting very little feedback from readers despite high readership (which makes me wonder if my writing is just not connecting with people any more), and somehow writing wasn't a priority (which meant it wasn't getting done as often).
But then other weeks the words just flow out of me...I have no choice but to write. I really can't predict the ebb and flow of things. But it's been definitely flowing of late. I've written some posts that, for me, have been fairly intense and thought-consuming and time consuming. They're tiring to write, especially because it's usually late at night when I have the time and focus to put pen to paper (well, fingers to keyboard). But I felt it necessary to write them, if only to help me work out my thoughts on the issues, but also to help other parents who might be struggling with the same issues that I struggle with and to offer some (perhaps) different perspectives.
I love these weeks when the words need to come out. These are the weeks when I feel most fulfilled - because I am both fully engaged as a parent, and simultaneously working something out that is important to me at a private level.
I wish I had a concept around which to write a book...not because I have any illusions of grandeur, but because I just have this need to write. I love to see words on paper. I love to form words on paper. I love to think things through and wrestle them onto the page even when they're unwilling and I love to scratch things out and try again until the words carry the right nuance, flavour. I've started several writing projects over the years, but nothing has ever felt right...and so I've dropped them all...except for my blog, which I've kept going for four years now.
Writing is my outlet. My space. I may not continue to keep a blog forever, but there's no doubt that writing in some form or another is here to stay.