I just finished writing to a friend that I'm hiding in the bathroom at the moment. I brought my computer in here for a measure of escape, but I had to get away for a few minutes to cry. Today has been really hard so far. When I see all three kids down on the floor screaming, and my every instinct screams to go to Matthew first but I know in my head that I should probably be dealing with the other kids first, I end up standing there frozen, not knowing what to do. I don't know how much more tantruming I can handle from Seth A. (he's had at least six biggies today so far, they each last 30-60 minutes, and it's only 1:30pm), how much more attitude I can take from Matthew, and how much more princess-like, give-me-what-I-want-this-very-second-because-if-you-don't-I'll-be-on-the-floor-screaming-again-and-you'll-wish-you'd-just-given-it-to-me-but-by-then-it'll-be-too-late behaviour I can tolerate from Lizzie S.. My nerves are completely frayed and I feel like taking someone's head off...and Geoff's going to be first in line, 'cause he's getting under my skin now, too.
I need to get back out there and I have to say, I really, really don't want to. I'm giving myself an "A" for bravery...like it really matters.
I'll be better later, I promise. I just needed these few minutes.