Monday, February 4, 2013

Onwards and Upwards

Well, after a few poor nights' sleep, this morning found me a little bleary-eyed.  I struggle with insomnia generally, but there's nothing like last week's experience to bring out all of the worst of my sleep struggles and anxieties.

I do so appreciate all of the supportive comments, as well as the emails I've received in response to my post yesterday.  Some of your words have brought me to tears, and I am very thankful for your kindnesses.

I have heard from two people who have experienced similar things, sadly, as a result of anonymous people reading blogs and making complaints to people in positions of authority.  I find it all very disturbing and disheartening to know that people can be like that.  I suppose it's a bit naive on my part to think otherwise.

On one hand, the whole experience has left me a little cynical and sarcastic and jaded...qualities that I don't aspire to and hope to expunge from my system after I've finished processing what's happened.  I've managed to compartmentalize these feelings away from the rest of my life, thankfully, but I suppose that putting the issue to the back burner during the day is why it's coming back to haunt me at night, when I have time for little other than processing.

On the other hand, this, too, shall pass.  Like the woman from Child Welfare said, the frustration and resentment will eventually disappear in the wind like other untruths.  In the more objective light of day, I find myself returning to the more positive thoughts of early last week, when I was feeling rather hopeful and optimistic about the turnaround we're starting to see in the kids.

The thought that I keep coming back to is this:  Deep down, I know we're doing everything possible to enable our kids to meet their fullest potential; and it's working.  There are really hard days, and days when things feel like they're never going to get better; but then there are days when I can hardly envision a cloud passing over the sun and I can barely remember how hard the day before was.

Life is such a journey, isn't it?  It's truly not the destination that we're after, but the choices we make on a day-to-day basis and how we live out those choices.  I'm praying a lot for wisdom in how to incorporate what's happened into my thought processes; I don't want bitterness or the cynicism to fester.

I've made so many mistakes in my life over the years, and some of them big ones.  I'm not going to turn this situation into a bigger mistake than it already was.  I'm going to continue blogging and I'm going to continue being real.  I'm going to forgive Ms. Anonymous and move on.  And I'm also going to pray for her, because it's occurred to me a few times that truly her life must be missing something if she feels it necessary to pass judgment so readily on someone else's life.  I figure that, given how gracious God has been to me when I've messed up in my life, the least I can do is this.


  1. Hi Ruth, Just wanted to thank you and encourage you. If I'd experienced that kind of judgement I know I'd be shutting my blog down. I am an adoptive mom as well, and your blog encourages me on a regular basis. Anyone who gives up her career, homeschools, constantly seeks to educate
    herself on parenting, is someone who is a totally selfless loving,caring individual. You are the adoptive mom I strive to be!! Please don't let someone's ignorance discourage you. With all sincerity LindaG.

  2. Linda, I am not totally selfless and loving...I struggle, too, as you know by reading here.

    But I think your words are about the kindest I've ever read, and I thank you for such encouragement and acknowledgement. I'll be coming back to read your comment again and again.

    You are just the kind of person my more difficult posts are published for - an adoptive mom who knows what it's like to struggle as well as experience the joys related to adoption. Thank you for sharing that.

    I look forward to continuing to hang out with you here, because I'm not going anywhere and I hope you won't either!



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