Sunday, March 18, 2012

Reading. My Brain. The New Normal.

If you've been following my blog for over a year, you likely know about me that I am a pretty avid reader...well, at least I used to be.  Since June of last year, when the younger kids came home, the quality of my reading has been pretty pathetic.  I've read a few romances, a whole whack of youth fiction (including an entire, large, seven-volume series that I remember almost nothing about!), some totally fluffy chic-lit (which I'm not opposed to in principle, but the stuff I've been reading these months has been pretty sad), and some crappy mysteries (to be distinguished from good mysteries, which I enjoy).  Until the past month or so, the only reading I've done that resembles my usual interests has been to re-read a couple of lovely works by Ernest Hemingway:  A Moveable Feast (one of my favourite reads); and The Old Man and the Sea.  Other than the Hemingway, it's been a pretty sad state of affairs for a woman with an English lit degree and a real love of reading.

It's not that I don't have time to read.  I always read before I fall asleep...I'm not sure if I could fall asleep without reading.  The issue has been that my brain hasn't been able to focus enough to absorb what a book is trying to tell me.  Some of the issues of the past 9-10 months have been so emotionally and mentally intense that by the time I get to bed, I have capacity for two things:  first, for staring glassy-eyed at the ceiling for a while in an effort to grapple with and shake off whatever's happened that day; then, for reading a book that takes no (and I do mean no) mental energy to consume and that provides an in-the-moment escapism experience. I remember the content of almost none of the books I've read until the past month, hence the 7-volume series I read that I remember virtually nothing about.

I also don't mean to be judgmental about anyone else's taste in reading, btw.  Maybe you're an avid romance reader, or a Sidney Sheldon fan, I don't know.  I do know that for me, reading certain types of books aren't really good for me...they put stuff into my head that I don't think are healthy for me.  So when I see my ability to read decline from what is normal for me, I worry that it's indicative of the low emotional state that I've been struggling with.  And now that I'm at the beginning point of getting back to my usual tastes in books, it's likewise an encouragement to me that maybe I'm coming into a better place.

Anyway, I hope I'm 'on the mend' now...emotionally and with regard to my reading interests.  I've read two good books in the past month, which is a lot less than usual but a certain step in the right direction given the sad trajectory of the past ten months.

While I don't think for a second that I'll get back to a two-book-per-week reading habit, and while I think I'm done for now with the days of lugging home from the library a 3-foot stack of 10-11 hardcover books to read in the next three weeks, I'm just grateful that the part of my brain that needs to be active in order to read seems to be normalizing, settling down again.  I'm hopeful that this is a sign that, just maybe, life as a whole is settling down into the new normal.

I would love to hear from you about any books you've been enjoying lately.  Does anything come to mind?  I'd love to start a 'to-read' list again.

And on that note, my friends, it's time to get myself ready for bed and tuck myself in with a good book.  Next up:  Night Circus, by Erin Morgenstern (thanks Eileen and Kathie for the recommendation).

12 comments:

  1. I just finished reading this, this afternoon. Very interesting read. I think you would like it.

    http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Through-The-Glass-Shannon-Moroney/9780385676038-item.html?cookieCheck=1

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  2. Definitely Night Circus. Amazing amazing book. Loved it.
    I just finished The Salt Road. Also a good read.
    My friend is reading The Dress Maker: A Novel (our book club pick this month), and she loves it as well.

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  3. Sorry, no recommendations because I am in a very similar place to you with my current state of reading. Your post made me laugh at myself though because I also used to be a voracious reader - just before, or just after we got home with the boys, I started reading Wolf Hall. In my past life I would probably have thought it was a great book and read it in a few weeks. In my new life it took me 6 months, I was confused for almost the whole thing and looking back now, I don't recall much of any of it. If I pick up something good, I'll be sure to send you a note! A

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  4. I loved The Night Circus! I am now reading the Song of Ice and Fire series. I am not quite sure what to make of it, but I can't seem to stop!

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  5. I just finished Lone Wolf by Jodi Picoult. Amazing story and so well written! I adore most of her novels but this one is exceptional.

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  6. Thanks so much for the recommendations...don't stop!

    Jane, how funny you'd mention "Through the Glass" - this was one of the two good books I read in the past month! And I really liked it - it grabbed my interest from first page to last. It seems like we think alike!

    Oh, and Andrea, re: "Wolf Hall" - I read that BEFORE our kids came home and I thought the book sucked! We ddi it for our book club and I'd been waiting to read it for months. Some of my book club members loved it but most of us pretty much hated it. So I don't think you can chalk up your dislike of the book to having the boys around...in my view, your assessment is bang on!!

    Blessings all...and please keep the recommendations coming.

    Ruth

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  7. I don't have any particularly wonderful titles to share right now, but I wanted to say that I so related to the overall message of this post.

    Shortly after the bankruptcy of Imagine, a series of ridiculously stressful events unfolded within our life and together all those events led me to the saddest time in my life. I had to stop reading. The combination of a quiet house and the words on the page were terrible for my mental state. It was nothing short of impossible for me to concentrate. Only recently have I begun to read again, and I certainly can't handle any fluff. I've been searching out interesting, dark and challenging books, and to me this reading material has been the biggest indicator to me about my emotional state. I find it so interesting that you are also currently using books as a gauge of where you are and the progress you have made.

    Love your blog - your insights into life and family always leave me with much to think about.

    all the best,
    Jill

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  8. Jill, just wanted to say thanks for your comment - you brought tears to my eyes as I read what you had to say about post-bankruptcy days and the dark times you went through. Interesting that for you, too, your reading is a gauge of where you're at emotionally - and interesting, also, that for you it's the dark books that have been a draw for you in harder times, whereas for me it's been absolute 'nothing' books.

    THanks, too, for your comments about my blog - I'm so glad you're here!!

    Blessings,

    Ruth

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  9. Recommended books that I've read recently:
    -Travelling Light and The Kindness of Strangers (Katrina Kittle) - loved both of these
    -I Shall Not Hate (I think I may have gotten this suggestion from you- great book)
    -Somewhere Inside (Lisa and Laura Ling)
    -Whistling in the Dark (Leslie Kagan)
    -Ender's Game (Scott Orson Card)- this is a science fiction book, and not a genre I ever read, but I LOVED it.
    -The Doctor's Wife (reading it now)
    -I also just finished Late Nights on Air (Elizabeth Hayes) which came highly recommended, but I didn't like it. Some of the girls in my book club did however.

    As I'm looking over my list, I'm thinking the books covered some pretty weighty subjects- abortion, homosexuality, incest, war. Hmmm- maybe I'm due for something a little lighter :)

    Glad that you are starting to read again. I always rely on you for great book suggestions!

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  10. Kristin, I was hoping you'd leave a comment because I knew you'd recommend a bunch, and I also know that I'm likely going to enjoy the same ones that you enjoy...so thank you very much!!
    I didn't like "Late Nights on Air" either, though I'd anticipated a good read.
    And yes, it was probably me who recommended "I Shall Not Hate" - amazing book...a bit of a life changer.

    I think you'd also like reading the memoir suggested above: "Through Broken Glass." Just finished this one in the past month.

    I'm so excited to be getting my head back into books, and I can't wait to read some of these.

    Thanks again, and blessings,

    Ruth

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  11. Kristin, I was hoping you'd leave a comment because I knew you'd recommend a bunch, and I also know that I'm likely going to enjoy the same ones that you enjoy...so thank you very much!!
    I didn't like "Late Nights on Air" either, though I'd anticipated a good read.
    And yes, it was probably me who recommended "I Shall Not Hate" - amazing book...a bit of a life changer.

    I think you'd also like reading the memoir suggested above: "Through Broken Glass." Just finished this one in the past month.

    I'm so excited to be getting my head back into books, and I can't wait to read some of these.

    Thanks again, and blessings,

    Ruth

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  12. Ruth,

    I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Exactly. And I find it so sad, because reading has always been the one thing that I love to do for myself. But I find that I am incapable of focusing for any length of time...I am just starting to get back into now. And how maddening is it, really, that the one thing that I have that is a major de-stresser for me was taken away?!

    The book I am currently reading is, "Through Broken Glass."
    One book that I love and that was also an easy read, but just delicious was, "The Guernsey Literary and potato Peel Society." Just loved it.

    Flora

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