I've been having a hard time focusing in the last number of days - I've been preoccupied with news I heard last week. Last Tuesday, I heard from a friend who had just returned from attending her court date in Ethiopia. Without divulging anything that they have not already published on their blog, their court proceeding did not go well and that their adoption is in jeopardy. They are completely broken and hurting, having met the son that they were referred and having then been told that their adoption may not be proceeding.
Since hearing her news, I have felt shaken to the core. Until recently, the dream has always been to wait for the referral - the day we get to see our children's faces...then everything would be ok. But that's not true any more. I know from our own experience in August that receiving a referral is not the end of the story...it can be lost, as happened with us. But to get and accept a referral, start loving your child(ren), get assigned a court date, travel halfway around the world for that court date...only to learn that your adoption is in jeopardy???? That's terrifying.
I am absolutely heart sick for my friend. Though they have another court date towards the end of this month, they are not at all clear that this will end well, and fear that their child will be ripped from their heart and lives. I can hardly believe it has come to this for them. I have been on my knees praying for a miracle for them, praying that their dreams will yet come true.
It seems to me now that receiving a referral, while wonderful, is more like a blip on the radar screen; the real highlight to look forward to now is getting through court. There is no guarantee of completing one's family through international adoption until one walks through the doors of one's own airport with one's children.
If there are other pray-ers out there, please pray for a miracle for my friend...she's gonna need one.
This is heartbreaking. Yes, I will be praying for them.
ReplyDeleteThis is so horrible. Our agency (local) told us this is so rare when we signed on, yet I have seen it happen to many people I have met on this journey, sometimes many months after they have fallen in love with the referral photo. Even R & Y, who have been waiting to bring baby A home for 16 months, and he is legally their son. They can't seem to get his medical/visa sorted with CIC. It scares me too...like I won't be able to let myself love that child until we land in Canada. I wanted so much to have that excited feeling at referral, but I have now learned I will have to be very guarded, which is a shame :(
ReplyDeletePraying.
ReplyDeleteI agree with BCMommy. Until that child is in your arms, in Canada, this process can still fall apart. It is so scary and I fear for my friends stuck in these nightmares. I remember one person saying that after the referral it was all downhill, all so much easier. It is the total opposite. After the referral is the most terrifying part of the whole process.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for them.
ReplyDeleteWe knew a couple who lost their referral of three siblings at the court stage. I found myself really holding back my excitement until our (3rd) courtdate went through.
Hearts can be hurt at so many stops in this journey.
On my knees praying for a miracle.
ReplyDeleteI will pray as well.
ReplyDeleteKelly
Praying every night for them.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying. I feel like I am still in shock after all that has been happening in the adoption world, and it's not happening directly to me, I can only imagine how the families that these things are happening to must feel.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with this family... I pray that a miracle happen and their little baby will be forever in their arms.
ReplyDeleteJoining you in prayer.
ReplyDeletexo
While pregnancy brings its own fears and insecurities, adoption has a whole other realm of them. I had a cousin who did a private Canadian adoption, and she was told that the birth mother could change her mind any time in the first 2 years. When her child had her 2nd birthday there was much rejoicing about the end of a long period of insecurity and uncertainty. One wonders about the effects of stuff like this on attachment...
ReplyDeleteBRUTAL... I cna't imagine. Well, actually I can - they must be in such agony.
ReplyDelete"Nicky"
http://rowanfamilytree.com
http://vulnerablechildren.ca
Keep praying folks. These next few days are the critical days for this family.
ReplyDeleteRuth