Blogging, and a bit of Whining.

I never like it when bloggers apologize for not blogging more regularly.  In fact, it downright irks me!  I feel like saying Whatever!  Write when you can and forget the apology - it's your blog!  For me, at least, blogging has never felt like a burden, something that I should do rather than want to do...I just like doing it whenever I can.

But I admit that I'm perilously close to making such an apology myself today.  I'm fighting myself...feeling like I need to apologize but resisting every effort, in order to abide by my own standards.

You see (and here's where I edge close to an apology in addition to sounding whiny), it's absolutely become harder to write in recent months.  It's not for lack of interest, or things to write about...it's simply a matter of time.  I am on the go from pre-dawn to post-dusk, and by the time I crawl into my bed, nothing has ever felt better than those not-always-so-clean-anymore sheets, and our cozy comforter.  I'm there right now - sitting in my bed, computer propped onto a pillow on my knees.  And a really big chunk of me wants to close the lid to my computer and slide down into the softness that is my bed, and just lie here.  Look at the ceiling.  Think about nothing at all.

The only problem with that plan is that it won't ever happen - the 'think about nothing' part.  The second I'd put my computer down to get ready for sleep, I'd think of a zillion things I'd like to write about, a few to-do lists that I need to compose, and about the plan for tomorrow.  You see, since the younger kids have come home, I've changed from being an entertainer and companion of a single child to a manager of all things household-related.  I am all about managing things these days: schedules and coordination of activities; behaviour; conflict; emotional outbursts and upheavals; h/school and h/school prep; meal and endless snack prep; tidying (oh the endless tidying up after three tornadoes have gone through here) and cleaning; errand running; attachment needs; finding enough time for every kid; etc etc.   Writing on my blog always seems to fall towards the end of the list, despite the many times that I long for it to be at the top.

I am regularly asked why I continue to blog now, given that our younger kids are home and our family is complete; many blogs that chronicle adoption dissolve after the child comes home.  But for me, adoption continues to be one of many things that I want to write about.  I have a lot left to say.  And besides, I really hate it when adoption blogs die after a child comes home - after all, I've been reading and following and hoping and persevering and often praying about that family's child for a long time by the time the child comes home, and suddenly everything stops and I feel bereft of being somehow a part of that family's ongoing journey.

I have wondered of late if there's still a lot of interest in reading here, particularly since my posts have been a fewer and a little farther between.  It's been a long time since I've bothered to track how many people visit the blog.  But I've gotta say that a comment that I just received from Kelly, saying that she enjoys reading my blog, was very inspirational for me...your timing was perfect Kelly - thanks!

At any rate, I'm going go keep plugging away here, as often as I can.  In addition to the stuff I write about a few times/week, I have somewhere between 55 and 65 blog posts in draft form, waiting to be finished (though a dozen or more are probably so outdated by now that they probably won't ever see the light of day).  And if there's something you'd like me to address/write about, let me know.

I've noticed that, over the course of writing this post, my body has been making a gradual slide down into the bed, so that I'm actually lying flat on my back now with my stomach and knees providing the resting place for my computer.  It's a little awkward.  I simply cannot see myself getting up again tonight.  So I shall gently close the lid now, turn off my light and my brain, and bid you good night.

Until tomorrow, then.