Tuesday, January 4, 2011


I could hardly wait to get to Pottery Barn Kids last week, in San Diego.  My sister had agreed to come with me to help me put bedding things together for a little girl's room, but shortly before we arrived at the store, she saw another store that she wanted to go into first.  We agreed to meet up in Pottery Barn shortly, and I continued on into the store.

The whole left side of the store was full of girly bedding things.  I stopped in the doorway, feeling uncertain about where to go.  Shopping is never an area of strength for me and, as I've stated previously, I am at a complete loss as to how to outfit a girl with girly things...I'm just not great at these things.  But I squared my shoulders and bravely walked into the first display room, where beds were set up with all kinds of duvet covers, quilts, pillow cases, shams, and so on.  Next to one of the beds was a large basket filled with tiny little fabric dolls - each one barely longer than my hand.  I dug through the basket and randomly pulled out a doll, and it was a lovely little brown-skinned girl with long spirally hair.  It was the exact thing I'd been looking for, for a post-court gift (assuming we pass).

Suddenly, looking at that little doll, gazing around at all of the pinks and purples and greens and yellows, I felt overwhelmed.  I clutched the doll to my chest and started breathing hard; and before I knew it, I was crying, tears pouring down my cheeks.  An ugly cry right there in the middle of Pottery Barn.  I was taken completely by surprise by the strength of my emotions.  Where did that come from?  It was in that moment that I knew how very badly I wanted to bring our children home, and how very much I wanted a little girl, that little girl, in our lives.  I've tried so hard to be strong and stoic and maybe a little guarded, knowing that things aren't done yet and that we're not yet parents of those children.  But as I stood there crying, my heart felt such a powerful surge of longing for those two children that I still can scarcely comprehend it.  My fears about not knowing how to dress a little girl or 'do' her hair disappeared, and I suddenly just wanted her, them, home.  I want these two children to complete our family.

Soon after I'd collected myself, my sister came into the store and, with me holding tight to that tiny doll,  we hunted for, and purchased, duvet covers, sheets and pillow cases.  My faith purchase saw me collecting things in the palest of pink ginghams, greens, and a hint of fushias and yellows.   Heart- and flower-shaped decorative pillows completed the purchase, and the look for our daughter's bedroom has almost come together in my mind.

Next up on my list:  research bunk beds (single over double) for the boys' room so that we're ready to purchase if/when we pass court.  Matthew is itching to sleep on the upper bunk with his brother below him, and I, too, can hardly wait to complete that picture in my head!


  1. Lovely, Ruth. There are so many emotions to work through, and after so long and such a bumpy road, I'm sure there's a lot of fear as well. You're in my prayers as you approach that exciting date in court!

  2. Isn't it sad that it's the UGLY cry that's so cathartic? :)

    Your feelings are so real, and need to come out. Cry as often as you need to. No shame. Then do the "crying out" to God, who understands where it's coming from - even if you don't.

    Excited & nervous right along with you.


  3. I feel exactly like you every time I am doing some shopping for our little boy. More and more he become real in our life but in the same time we need to stay so strong with everything we will need to face in the next month. Thinking of you my friend. xxx

  4. It sounds like you and I have the same Pottery Barn colour scheme going on!

  5. I know the feeling all too well. Imagine the relief we will all feel when we are finally home with our children!
    So glad you got to buy all of the girly things. Very fun!

  6. I can relate to this so much. I have done my share of crying in public over the years!

    There is something so tangible and real about holding something that your child, your daughter is going to hold that the reality can no longer be denied.

  7. Yay, Ruth! I'm glad that you were able to just go with it and ride the wave of your emotions, public be darned. And then top it all off with shopping. Bring on your girl and all her girlie stuff!