Friday, April 9, 2010

Stomped-On Spirits

I am by nature an optimistic person.  Can't keep me down for too long before some new way of thinking about things crops up, or I find an alternate solution to a problem; whatever.  I usually see that the grass is looking pretty green on my lawn.  But I confess:  I'm really struggling with trying to maintain a positive attitude these days.  As we draw closer and closer to the date (April 23) that marks our adoption file being in Ethiopia for twenty-four months, my spirits are sinking lower and lower.  I can hardly bear the thought of having to surpass the rapidly-approaching marker...and yet, here we go....

Two years is a long, long time.
  • It so happens that it comprises exactly 4.65% of my life thus far; if one takes into account the beginning of our adoption journey eight years ago, we have been waiting for 18.7% of my life for these children.  Almost 20% of my life to date has been taken up with waiting for my family to be completed.  That's astonishing!  
  • Two years is longer than someone who has been sentenced to a two-years-less-a-day prison sentence for a non-felony offence.  I'm ready to get out of my prison, quite frankly, and start getting on with life...with family complete.  
  • Two years is long enough for some families (including a few that I know) to experience two pregnancies and two children.
  • Two years is a longer time, even, than the twenty-two month gestational period of an elephant.  While on some days I feel about the same size as that behemoth, I nonetheless never expected to be expecting my children for longer than an elephant.
Others waiting for siblings have survived the passing of the two-year too shall I...somehow.  I'm just not quite sure how.

* Thanks so much for the supportive comments guys - it helps.  And Shannon, what I would give for you to be right, that we've been matched with children already and are just waiting for paperwork!  If I find out that you're right, I'm going to buy you a gift!!


  1. It will happen, but allow yourself these moments of sorrow. Have a glass of wine, a cry if you need to. It will be worth it in the end. This is but a moment of your life (a big moment granted).


  2. Oh Ruth,

    I wish had great words to cheer you up.
    What I do know is that the celebration will be so so much more a grand celebration after making it so long. I can not wait !!!!!!!!

    You are getting really close I am sure that is why it is feeling so tuff right now.

    I have a feeling you are matched and they are on the hunt for paper work. I have a feeling there are a few of these in the works.

    Hold strong Ruth !!!!!!
    Bog hugs from across the country

  3. Coming up to our 24 month mark, I'm feeling the same way... the whole process has always been an ebb and flow of emotion and this seems to be a down moment for me too. Seeing as the wait is completely out of our control, i find myself both feeling low and then feeling frustrated with myself because I can't seem to snap out of it... I'm sure (I hope) I will, but its so unpredictable. I think just 1 sibling referral would help :-) A

  4. All we can do is support one another through the rough times in this wait. It's long, so long but we must keep our eye on the prize.

  5. Tom Petty sings it so well: The waiting is the hardest part. Time is dragging at times, then flying by out of control. I know my time with my wonderboys is so fleeting, is going too quickly. I hope your son is a source of comfort and delight (and distraction) for you.