Friday, April 9, 2010

Stomped-On Spirits

I am by nature an optimistic person.  Can't keep me down for too long before some new way of thinking about things crops up, or I find an alternate solution to a problem; whatever.  I usually see that the grass is looking pretty green on my lawn.  But I confess:  I'm really struggling with trying to maintain a positive attitude these days.  As we draw closer and closer to the date (April 23) that marks our adoption file being in Ethiopia for twenty-four months, my spirits are sinking lower and lower.  I can hardly bear the thought of having to surpass the rapidly-approaching marker...and yet, here we go....

Two years is a long, long time.
  • It so happens that it comprises exactly 4.65% of my life thus far; if one takes into account the beginning of our adoption journey eight years ago, we have been waiting for 18.7% of my life for these children.  Almost 20% of my life to date has been taken up with waiting for my family to be completed.  That's astonishing!  
  • Two years is longer than someone who has been sentenced to a two-years-less-a-day prison sentence for a non-felony offence.  I'm ready to get out of my prison, quite frankly, and start getting on with life...with family complete.  
  • Two years is long enough for some families (including a few that I know) to experience two pregnancies and two children.
  • Two years is a longer time, even, than the twenty-two month gestational period of an elephant.  While on some days I feel about the same size as that behemoth, I nonetheless never expected to be expecting my children for longer than an elephant.
Others waiting for siblings have survived the passing of the two-year mark...so too shall I...somehow.  I'm just not quite sure how.

* Thanks so much for the supportive comments guys - it helps.  And Shannon, what I would give for you to be right, that we've been matched with children already and are just waiting for paperwork!  If I find out that you're right, I'm going to buy you a gift!!

5 comments:

  1. It will happen, but allow yourself these moments of sorrow. Have a glass of wine, a cry if you need to. It will be worth it in the end. This is but a moment of your life (a big moment granted).

    Dana

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  2. Oh Ruth,

    I wish had great words to cheer you up.
    What I do know is that the celebration will be so so much more a grand celebration after making it so long. I can not wait !!!!!!!!

    You are getting really close I am sure that is why it is feeling so tuff right now.

    I have a feeling you are matched and they are on the hunt for paper work. I have a feeling there are a few of these in the works.

    Hold strong Ruth !!!!!!
    Bog hugs from across the country
    Shannon

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  3. Coming up to our 24 month mark, I'm feeling the same way... the whole process has always been an ebb and flow of emotion and this seems to be a down moment for me too. Seeing as the wait is completely out of our control, i find myself both feeling low and then feeling frustrated with myself because I can't seem to snap out of it... I'm sure (I hope) I will, but its so unpredictable. I think just 1 sibling referral would help :-) A

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  4. All we can do is support one another through the rough times in this wait. It's long, so long but we must keep our eye on the prize.

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  5. Tom Petty sings it so well: The waiting is the hardest part. Time is dragging at times, then flying by out of control. I know my time with my wonderboys is so fleeting, is going too quickly. I hope your son is a source of comfort and delight (and distraction) for you.

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