It's that time of year again...time for summer camps. For some kids this is the norm throughout the summer; in our household it means a huge level of excitement about the days the kids will get to experience carrying a backpack and a lunch, maybe riding on a bus, and doing something (hopefully) super fun!
I haven't been without my kids since last year's summer day camps so it's a rather novel and exciting thing for me, too. Last summer, the kids were in two weeks of day camps, which meant that I had two weeks on my own during the day. I had so many projects on my list to get done last year but the first week was almost an entire write-off for me because on day 2 of their first camp, I started to cry and I spent the next four days crying. I think it was my body's way of releasing of all of the previous year's stuff that needed to come out. I felt rather silly spending all of that time crying my heart out in my little library, but I clearly needed the time to do just that. By the time their second week of summer camp rolled around, I was back to myself and got quite a few things checked off of my to-do list.
I was rather apprehensive this past weekend, anticipating the kids' first day camp this week. Would I be ready and set to go, tackling my long to do list? Or would I dissolve into tears the second I dropped them off?
Well, as it turned out, after I dropped them off yesterday morning for day #1, I was feeling very emotional. But this was tempered by the fact that I had some workers coming to the house ten minutes after I got home, and so I tucked away those feelings while they were still at the house...though I was constantly aware of it.
When the workers left the house several hours later, I have to say that within seconds of their leaving the house, I did break down into tears - I couldn't believe how fast they came...it's like I was waiting to be alone. I ended up tucking myself into my trusty library chair with a blanket and both of my dogs, and just cried and cried and cried. I had about 2.5 hours on my own and I decided to let myself have that time to feel what I needed to feel and to cry over what I needed to cry over. I'm rather hoping it doesn't consume my entire week, as it did last year, but if it does...well, then it does. Who knows, maybe it becomes my annual sob fest when the kids go away for their first week of summer camp. Because I'm so rarely alone, I don't often have the 'luxury' of time in which to process feelings or thoughts; so when I am alone, it's like my body has a visceral response to being along and my feelings overtake and even overwhelm me for a time. But it feels generally healthy.
This year the kids are in day camps for three whole weeks! I haven't had that much time to myself since before I had children and, although I anticipate missing them, I also think it's going to be great. I'm going to work on a bunch of projects, but I'm also going to take time to read, go for coffee with a few friends that I don't get to see very often, and maybe watch a matinee movie or two. It's going to be good.