Then there's that other persistent, nagging, ongoing thing that makes it worthwhile for me to want to continue to school at home even when it sucks and drives me beyond crazy and makes me feel like screaming and giving up.
You see, people say to me all the time (it's the 2nd most likely thing to come out of people's mouths about h/schooling, second only to the concern about my kids ever possibly being socialized well enough outside of the public system) that they could never, ever school at home because they're not patient enough, not equipped enough, not smart enough, their kids would drive them crazy and vice versa, and on and on.
Well, let me tell you this if you're one of those thinking these thoughts: That's exactly like me..on a good day! I'm no better or different or capable or patient than a single other parent out there. I can't do it either! Why the heck do you think I'm having panic attacks in the middle of the night??
And yet here I am...responsible (by choice!) for the education of three incredible kids that I don't want to mess up.
As much as I think learning at home is in the best interests of my kids, I recognize that there must also be some thing in it for me that makes it worthwhile. I'm not that selfless! It's the thing that I know I'm going to think about a lot when the kids are older and gone and I have all the time that I sometimes long for now and which I'll have too much of then.
It's truly the thing that gets me through the many hard moments of yesterday and today and tomorrow when I understand, deep down, that I cannot do this job that I've been called to do because I am simply not patient or good or organized or compassionate or godly or educated or mentally balanced or creative or energetic enough.
So what is this thing that keeps me going in this direction? The thing that makes it all worthwhile for me?
It is this:
Life is short and I want to spend it with those I love the most. I don't want to waste a day. Not a single day!
This truly is the thought that gets me through the many hard moments when I feel like giving up. I want to give up often, and so I need something that keeps me going. And that thing is that I love these kids with everything in me, more than I ever imagined possible, even on the days when they make me crazy, and the day is going to come when I look back on these moments - the hard ones and the awesome ones - and think of them with nostalgia and, perhaps, longing. We're making sacrifices and making choices because we want to look back through that rear view mirror offered only by the passage of time, and know without any doubt that we have no regrets about spending this much time with our kids, pouring this much into them. For many parents, how these feelings manifest are quite different; how they manifest for me is in my choice to school at home.
And speaking of parents, I have one last thing to talk about...
(to be continued...one more time!)