Friday, November 2, 2012


Overheard minutes ago:

Lizzie:  "Seth, do you love Mommy?"

Seth:  "Do you?"

Lizzie:  "YES!!!"  Do you?

Seth:  "I don't want to say."

Lizzie:  "Why not?"

Seth:  "I just don't want to.  I don't want to talk about it.  I not going to say it."

Sigh.  I know that I just wrote this post two weeks ago.  Usually it's totally ok that he can't say the words.  But this morning, in the moments that hovered between her questions and his answers, I let myself quietly hope for a response that was just a little different.


  1. I love his's so rawly honest...and so transparent what his feeling is. What's remarkable is his sense of ability in the space to be many others would respond by "armoring up" and denying his love...he merely refuses to speak it because of the danger. But the space is safe enough for him simply to give a non-answer...which is such a clear answer. I get that its painful, and a sign of his need for further safety, but it is such a sign of his current sense of safety as well!

  2. I think that's a good point, Carolyn; thanks.

    Usually I'm just fine with it. But give me a morning when I'm a little on the tired side and feeling like I've just given enough this week, and yeah, I admit it - it would have been really nice to hear.

    It must be true about Seth that he feels safe...'cause one can't make that kid say anything he doesn't want to!

    Good weekend, Carolyn!


  3. This post and your last one about this are so interesting to me because N struggles too sometimes. He will say that he loves me, but sometimes he'll make a point of not saying it and ensure that I know he hasn't said it and doesn't want to... in those moments he seems to struggle (and he sure wants to be sure I'm still going to say it). I can't even imagine everything going on in his head in these moments. A

  4. Thanks for the comment Andrea. I was thinking a little earlier today about exactly what you said - what on earth must be going through their heads and hearts in these moments?? It truly MUST be a struggle - it must be so scary to admit feelings of love given their history.

    Food for thought. Thanks again.


  5. Hi Ruth,
    Do you know that I don't think I EVER told my mother I loved her until I was an adult, or nearly so? And I loved her SOOOO much, it was almost crazy. She told me she loved me many times a day and kissed and hugged me all the time. The feeling I had, though I wouldn't have been able to articulate it at the time, was that saying it would somehow hurt my pride or cause me some indignity. Crazy, eh? You obviously have some good insight into what's going on with Seth, and he's obviously crazy about you, too. Thinking of you all, as always, and wishing you a good fall.