It's been over five weeks since we received our (first) referral, and I am so thankful to be on this end of things. I'm doing so much better now. I still think about the children a lot, and am still catching up on all of the sleep I lost, but there's less grief now, and a bit more emotional distance. I pray for them now when I think of them, and hope that they are already on the journey towards a new life.
It's hard being back on the wait list, though. We passed the twenty-nine month mark last week and are fast on route to the thirty-month point. I'm finding the wait harder now than before...a lot harder. The immensity of the relief, when we received our referral, was so significant, that being back in the wait now feels somewhat unbearable. I don't know how long we'll be waiting for another referral but I did notice this past weekend that I was looking forward again...anticipating.
When I think about the next referral, I wonder how it'll feel when we receive 'the call.' Will it be as momentous as the first time? Will the excitement, the joy, feel the same? Will the relief be as pronounced? Or will the experience be somewhat lesser, more cautious, a bit more gun-shy? I really don't know what to expect, but I'm sure hoping that we'll feel the same way the second time round...or at least similar. I want to be able to tell our children someday about how excited we were when we got 'the call.'
Whatever we end up feeling when we get our next 'call,' I sure am looking forward to that day!