Saturday, January 23, 2010

Twenty-One Months

So, I don't often post on the weekends (I mean, really, who reads blogs on the weekend anway...except for me), but today seemed like a good day to post, so here goes..

I am sober of mood today.  This day marks twenty-one months since our adoption file arrived on Ethiopian soil, on April 23, 2008.  Who ever would have thought that the wait of 5-7 months that we were initially expecting would extend into this marathon that has exhausted us and challenged our belief that we would ever cross the finish line?

Last Easter, 2009, I took out my storage tub of spring-related home decorations and, amongst them, discovered three beautiful little baskets that I'd bought in the spring of 2008, thinking that by the time Easter rolled around in '09, Matthew and his two new siblings would be collecting their chocolate treasures in these woven and yellow-feathered vessels.  It was a sad moment, and I cried a good many tears over those feathery concoctions, knowing that this dream wasn't yet to be realized.  Of course, I had no way of knowing, as I bent over those baskets, what further pain would lie in store for us just a few months later when our agency declared bankruptcy and threatened to destroy our dreams altogether.  The tears that so many families shed in response to Imagine's bankruptcy could doubtless have overfilled many of those baskets.

Now here we are, almost ten months closer to another Easter and, though there is again hope to be found in the restructured agency, we are as unclear as to when to expect a referral as we were last year.  When will it happen?  How many months will yet accumulate before this ends?  My heart needs to know's getting a bit faint from the exertion, and my resolve is weary of having to be braced up.  Despite all of my intentions to simply carry on with life, it still feels deep down somewhere as if everything is on hold...just waiting for some kind of resolution...waiting for the children of my heart to come home and complete our family.

My usually optimistic attitude towards life is challenged at the moment.  I feel whiny and complainy and a bit bitter.  Hang in there with me while I indulge in a bit of self pity.  I'll be fortified again soon enough.


  1. ahh ruth..'waiting for the children of my heart to come home'. That captures it all-they are no less our children just because we do not yet know who they are. They ARE, and they are in our hearts. sigh. I'm not too encouraging, because I'm right here with you, although we are a couple of months behind you. All I can say is hold fast! I have decided I have to somehow stop looking into the future, trying desperately to see when, when, when it will happen, and just take one baby step at a time. Hang in there, girl!

  2. You are not whiny, complainy or bitter! You are taking a moment to regroup during this incredibly long journey. You can't be optimistic all the time - everyone will have these moments (days,weeks).
    It will happen Ruth! Be good to yourself right now.

    Take care,Michelle

  3. Thanks Darci & Michelle -
    though I still feel a bit 'down in the dumps' today, your comments helped. I'll rally soon, I've no doubt.

    I hope you're having a good weekend.


  4. SO glad you blog on the weekend.
    As it is always great to read and connect.
    I truly understand having hard weeks and take all the time you need to feel the hard weeks as well.
    I have kinda pushed the count out of my mind,
    As the numbers are so much higher than I ever wanted to count too.

    So all the best as you make it through the rest of this kinda hard weekend.

    Sending some good vibes your way

  5. Aw, Ruth. It's hard, isn't it? We've recently passed our ten-month mark... and it's sobering and discouraging to realize that we're barely off the starting blocks. We have such a long way to go, yet it feels like we've been waiting forever.

    But be encouraged... take heart! The exact right children will be matched with your family, and when you meet with them and start bonding with them, you will know why it took so long -- because you were waiting for them. I know it's not much consolation... but hang in there girl!

  6. Well, it seems like more people than I would have anticipated actually read blogs on the weekend - lovely to have you here!

    Shannon, Gwen, thank you, too, for being an encouragement to me. My mood has already started to lift (undoubtedly helped by having gone out tonight and had some fun with sort-of-new friends!).

    Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, thanks for the friendship!


  7. Oh, and thanks for signing up on the 'follower' list, Gwen! Lovely to see your face there, greeting me when I sign on!!


  8. Ruth just thought I would mention that I usually cuddle into be with my lap top....and click on your link that I have saved in Favorites. I enjoy reading your blogs and feel comfort knowing there are others goiing through the same emotional ups and downs. A true understanding of what it is to be a waiting family.
    This morning, as I am not so busy, the adoption came to mind again. The yearning to hear of more referrals....hoping our wait will not be so long. Have a good day Ruth. ANd thank you for taking the time to do this blog. Take Care. Carolyn