Mother's Day 2016

Mother's Day used to be fraught for me with complicated emotions - mostly a great deal of sadness and longing.  It was a hard day, as I know it is for many others today...for women who have lost a child... for women who long yet to have one...for women who have lost their own mothers...for women who have had no mother to celebrate...for women who no longer have relationship with their mother...for mothers who no longer have relationship with their child.  The list could go on.  For these women and others, and even still somewhat for myself, I find my feelings so mixed.

So mixed.

In many respects, Mother's Day is now one of my favourite days of the year.  I look at my three children and feel a surge of motherly love and pride for them today and I want to celebrate being their mother and shout it from the rooftops; being their mother is a dream come true.  My dream come true.  I wanted children so badly, for so long.  How could I help but want to celebrate today?  It was a terrific day and I have the best, most long-awaited children ever!

And yet...

...I still prefer to not be in church on Mother's Day because, even though I have been a mother for twelve years, the pain of the previous decade never quite leaves me.  Attending church on Mother's Day used to be an impossibility.  I avoid it still today.

...there are always complicated thoughts around the other mother in our family...the mother who bore from her body two of my children.  I would not be their mother without her being their mother first and I am so grateful...and yet so mindful that they had to lose her in order to become mine.  There can hardly be a greater complication than that.

Today I share the honour of motherhood with my mother and with my children's first mother and with all of the other women in my life (mothers or not) who inspire me and teach me how to be a better mother.

I was the honoured recipient of breakfast in bed this morning.  And then, forsaking church, the five of us (seven, if you count the dogs...which the kids do), made our way to a skateboard park for a while.  The kids expended energy on their skateboards, scooters, bikes and plasma cars; and I watched them and played with the dogs in the neighbouring field.  It was lovely outside and I loved it.  Afterwards, we joined up with family and a friend for lunch, and it was good to honour my mother, too, because without her, I would not be the person I am today - I love her very much.

I would not have known the blessings of being a mother without the presence of the precious people in my life pictured below.  They inspire me every day, shove me in the direction of becoming a better person, and fill me with pride and joy.  I am forever rich in love and blessings because of my family.