Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Soup and Friendship

One of the benefits of schooling the kids at home is the time we have for being with friends and family.  It's so ironic to me that the single biggest concern people have about h/schoolers is that our children don't get 'socialized' enough (whatever that means), when the reality is that we have lots of opportunity during our days to make and keep and build connections.  The harder part is finding time for learning of the more academic type!

When we get together with friends, it's usually for hours at a time, and usually over a shared meal.  We do things potluck style and without a specific plan - so if there are two plates of fruit, or three of veggies, or only baskets of desserts - well, we'll eat whatever's there and enjoy it.

Today, friends are coming over and I am smiling with the anticipation of it.  The same thing happened last week when friends came over, and the week before when it was us visiting another family's home.  You get the idea.

These kinds of days are rich in meaning.  They are opportunities for moms to connect over a cup (or four) of tea to deepen friendships and share burdens.  They are opportunities to share ideas, mull over philosophical questions, and build each other up.  They are opportunities to simply talk with other women who, despite differences in beliefs and opinions, walk similar paths.

It's meaningful for the kids, too.  They love being with their friends, they love being able to eat whenever they want to because there's always food laid out on our days with friends, and they love the freedom and relaxation that comes with having hours at a time to be with people they truly care about.  At a bigger picture level, it's also awesome for them to be able to work through issues as they come up, with the help of their parents.

It's taken time to develop this kind of network, and it certainly wasn't this way during the first year, or even two, that we schooled (then only) Matthew at home.  It took time and persistence, and a lot of belief/hope that some day we would experience a greater sense of community.  It took a little courage, too, because it's not always easy to be the initiator of a friendship or two or ten.  Homeschoolers tend to be rather fragmented - lots of pockets of us here and there and everywhere, and not terribly organized as a whole group.  But over time, and after attending lots of events and field trips and programs, faces begin to look familiar, a few shared memories are developed, and then there comes a day when it's just so lovely to see that person again that you make plans to get together in someone's home or in a park...and so it begins.

So much the opposite of what people imagine h/schoolers to be like, we love our simple get togethers with friends, and our extended, sometimes-lazy hours together.

Which brings us back to this morning.

With bread rising in anticipation and a pot of soup simmering on the stove-top, the fragrance of friendship drifts about the house in readiness.  Time to prep the tea.


6 comments:

  1. I am so glad to have you for a friend. -JL

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  2. This was encouraging for me to read today Ruth - thank-you. I appreciated you saying that it's taken time to develop the network and that it didn't exist in this way during your first year or two of h/schooling. I know that it takes effort and courage to initiate friendships and this is not an area that comes completely naturally to me. It's encouraging to be reminded that these things take time, patience, and a bit of risk. Thank-you!

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    1. Oh my goodness, no, Leanne - it doesn't happen easily or quickly. I often feel so GRATEFUL to be beyond those first couple of years, for this reason alone. I've been schooling Matthew at home since he was 5 and he's turning 10 next week...and it's really only in the last 12-18 months that I've felt comfortable with the community we've developed. I was speaking with a couple of friends just today about this very issue and one commented that, for introverted people in particular, initiating friendships might take even more courage and effort than, perhaps, for others. The added complication is that we are looking not only for moms/women who can be friends (sometimes hard enough), but also for other KIDS whom we could see our kids befriending. It's just plain tough...and well worth it in the end!

      Hugs,

      Ruth

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  3. Ruth,
    I am sitting in Starbucks in Florida reading your posts and thinking about the community you so warmly invited me into while I was in Winnipeg. Reading your blog keeps me connected to this community that I will always feel fondly for. It does take work and effort but not without reward. Sometimes we don't even realize what it means to others and what they take from it and learn. Thanks. We miss you all but are enjoying lovely lovely weather here. Heading back north soon (not as north as you all are) and we are looking forward to creating community in our hometown with renewed vigor.

    Heather

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    1. Gotta tell you, Heather, that I really miss you! I wish you were still a part of this community, though I certainly hope we can maintain some sense of it despite the distance.

      I think of you so often and am glad to know you're well!

      Hugs,

      Ruth

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