Saturday, July 13, 2013

Not a Great Day...Not A Great Memory...But Blessed Nonetheless

It's been a rough day for me...nothing has gone according to plan, I've found the kids to be unusually trying, and I was so out of sorts and frustrated by late afternoon that Geoff wisely sent me out the door to have a few hours to myself.

It was a good plan.  I went to an early movie and then sat for 2.5 hours in a restaurant writing a blog post that has been in my heart for a very long time - on a specific topic related to Adoption.  I had just finished putting the last period to the post (probably the longest post I'd ever written, likely to be divided into two parts) when somehow Blogger deleted it.  Deleted it.  So despite having saved the post repeatedly for over two hours, it suddenly just disappeared.  Gone.  Just gone.  I was so upset that a few tears escaped me sitting in that restaurant.  I don't get it.  I saved it - over and over.  And it's gone.  I don't think it'll ever come out that way again, and I'm not sure I'm even up to trying.  I think it truly is gone.

It was a fittingly bad ending to an overall crappy day.

But I just realized something else, speaking of adoption:  It was this date four years ago when we thought all of our adoption dreams were gone - it was the day that our adoption agency was declared bankrupt.  Now that was one of the worst days ever.  It's strange that when I looked at the calendar this morning, I knew I wasn't going to like this day - there was something about the words "July 13th" that just didn't sit well with me.  I felt grumpy from the get-go.  But I didn't figure out until tonight why it was that this day just sucks in every corner of my memory bank.

So maybe, despite the crappiness of this day, I just need to focus on the fact that one of the worst days ever in my life, another July 13th, ultimately resulted in two of my little miracles lying upstairs in their beds.  Maybe that's what I will choose to focus on for the remaining hour of this day.


  1. So sorry to hear of your very tough day, Ruth. Losing what you spent so much time writing can be crushing. However, I hope the process of writing it all out still helped some. I recently wrote a rather difficult report and after self-enforcing my "thou shall not send for twenty-four hours" rule, it was gone. Entirely. Apparently, my rule snatched my choice to send it away from me. Technology sure can humble a person. Written brilliance is nothing if it doesn't save. July 13th will be good to you again, I'm sure. Let's just chalk it up to coincidence. Though, if you hit a third poor July 13th one year, I'd say you're cursed and I'll personally delete the date from all of your calendars. I'll let you pick whether you'd like two July 12th's or two July 14th's, but we'll put an end to those dreaded July 13th's for you! :) Feel better!


  2. Oh, how I clearly remember that whole week in July 2009 like it was yesterday! Not a week I'd choose to repeat - ever. Having said that, if it had not happened, I would not have the 2 wonderful blessings who are sitting in the next room as I type and who came to me through a redirected path. Remembering that horrible event leaves me feeling really conflicted. I am angry, upset, shocked, etc... BUT had that not happened I wouldn't have MY 2 boys. My 2 boys have brought so much joy.
    (I think I'm having a delayed response to the anniversary. Actually, I think it hits me later each year...)