Thursday, August 30, 2012

What's With Underwire Anyway?

What makes it so difficult to find a good bra that doesn't have underwire?  I've come to conclude that this is an impossible task.

I hate, hate bra shopping.  It's on my list of ten-most-hated tasks.  Snooty clerks, the expectation that I will bare all in front of them, having to pay a whole lot of money to wear something that fits decently, knowing that there's never a new invention to relieve me of the underwire...all of these factors make me dread the time I have to spend trying on articles of clothing that hardly anyone ever sees anyway.

About four years ago, my mother and sister suggested (this is stating things politely) that it was time for me to stop wearing my chest-mashing-but-oh-so-comfortable sports bras because it did nothing for the clothes that I wore.  I couldn't help but agree.

Reluctantly, cautiously, I proceeded with a new mission: custom bra fitting.  After talking to a few friends, I ventured forth to a store that would apparently fit me well with one of these appendages.

From the moment I set foot in the store, I felt conspicuous and uncomfortable.  Never had my chest been so blatantly ogled and stared at by a group of women as in those first few moments.  But I swallowed my nerves and proceeded.  I was measured and examined and then ushered into a small change room.  Over the next half hour I was brought a half dozen or more varieties and examined in my underwear until the sales person declared, after staring at my chest for some time, that she had found the perfect fit for me.  After a good deal of self-congratulations, she swung the change room door open (thereby exposing me in my underwear to several waiting women) and marched to the front to ring up my order...which was an astonishingly high number for the three bras she had chosen for me.   I could have bought a short-haul plane ticket for the amount those first three bras cost me.

When one broke a week later, on my second wearing of it, I took it back to the store and explained that the underwire had simply snapped upon my putting it on.  After criticizing the way I must have done it, telling me that they had a no-return policy, and stating that it looked as if I'd washed it already, she refused to take the bra back or to give me my money back.  That was the beginning of a four-week saga in which I eventually contacted the owner of the store while she was on her vacation; she ultimately apologized for her staff and ordered an exchange of my faulty product for a new one.

End of Bad Bra Shopping Experience #1.

Bad Bra Shopping Experience #2 happened about two years later, when the first three bras had been hand-washed and worn so many times that they were clearly looking a little worse for wear.

I went to a different little boutiquey shop that specialized in bra fittings.  The owner of the store happened to be the woman helping me and she took one look at me and told me my measurements.  She pulled four or five different bras off of the racks and gestured me to a change room.  I walked in and reached out my hand for the goods, only to have her brush my hand aside and tell me to strip.

Huh? I thought with some shock.  With her in the room?

She proceeded to tell me that there was nothing she'd never seen before and that she needed to show me how to fit and wear a bra.  I felt nervy even thinking that I pretty much knew how things went.  So I stripped, feeling rather shamed in the process of her watching me.  She proceeded to fit the bra around my chest (surely I could have managed that part) and hooked the back.  Then she told me to bend over so that she could show me how "the girls" should sit properly.  While I was bent over she jiggled and pulled at the bra a few times, then told me to stand up.  "Perfect," she announced.

Well, I for one would not have described that experience as anywhere near perfect, but I was glad that she was happy and simply bought the three bras that she suggested.  Tail tucked between my legs, I left the store and determined that I would never buy another bra as long as I lived.

That sentiment lasted for almost two years, until three of my now-all-old six bras broke two weeks ago. Shoot, shoot, shoot I thought when each of them snapped.  I mean, what are the odds of not one, not two, but three bras snapping (the underwire, of course) in one week.  But then I thought, well, thank God, because I'm so tired of those underwires poking into my armpits.

For the past two weeks I have so enjoyed wearing my comfy sports bras.  But I knew the day was coming when I'd have to suck it up and do it all again.

Bra Shopping Experience #3 was two days ago.  I had about ninety minutes to myself to run a few errands and I put bra shopping first on my list to get it over with.  I was there within five minutes of the store opening.

I walked in and saw the sales person standing behind the counter with phone in hand.  She gave me a look that said as clearly as I'm writing the words: I'm busy, what do you want?  What she actually said was "yes?"  Well, honestly, what does she think I wanted...I was in a bra shop with nothing but a visa card in my hand.

"I'd like some help fitting a bra," I said with as little tone in my voice as possible but feeling already a sickening sense of deja vu.

"Well, ok, but you're going to have to wait for a few minutes," she said.  She sighed.  That sigh was bad enough.  But then she gave me a look-over from bottom to top, gestured to the phone in her hand and added, in a tone you'd expect to hear on 90210, "I have to call to a customer and it's very, very, very, very, very important. So you'll just have to wait."

Yes, she said all five verys, with emphasis on the last.  This is an exact quote.

Crap, I thought.  This is about to become Bad Bra Shopping Experience #3.

What I wanted to do was give her the old Pierre Trudeau one-finger salute.  What I wanted to say was "yeah, well you just lost this very, very, very, very very important customer."

I'm not sure why I didn't say it.  My conservative Canadian roots must have kicked in somewhere because, although my mouth opened, nothing came out.

Seriously, who says that to a face-to-face waiting customer who's prepared to drop hundreds of dollars on a store that depends on women like me frequenting it?  Did she take one look at me in my comfy old jean capris and green shirt (incidentally, the same slightly-cleavage-showing green shirt that got me a flirty conversation at a Starbucks a couple of months back) and say to herself that this was not a customer worthy of her time or energy?  Did she see only the largeness of my physical being and decide that I was not worthy of her cute and pert and twenty-something-year-old attentions?

I don't know.

I said nothing.  Nothing rude and nothing to acknowledge her statement.  But I did continue to stand there, right across the desk from her, and merely looked at her without flinching the entire time she was making that phonecall to her all-important customer to tell her that her order had just arrived and that it was fantastic and she'd be so excited to see it.

I could have walked out.  I even thought about it and I would have been ok with that.  But then I decided this:  If I walk out, who is that hurting?  Not her, that's for sure - she's not going to give me a second thought.  It's me that I'd hurt by walking out:  My dignity and the feelings of self worth that I've gone to therapy to help me sort out.  So I stood there and, to be honest, I smiled on the inside, knowing this time that it wasn't me, it was her.

I'm guessing that my relentless stare and silence in response to her rudeness did something to the sales person because when she got off the phone her tone of voice was different, maybe even apologetic, and she said something like "sorry - I guess that could have waited.  I've only been working here a month and don't really know what I'm doing yet.  Let's see if we can find a bra for you."

I relented internally and said "OK, then.  Let's get me a bra."  I let her show me to one of the change rooms.  But when she made as if to follow me in with a handful of product in her arms, I held out my hand for the bras and said with a smile on my face, "I'm fine on my own, thanks."  I closed the door to the change room.  And minutes later, I walked out of the store with one good bra tucked under my arm.

I smiled as I climbed into my car.  I've changed/grown a bit in recent years, I realized.  Had someone been that rude to me a few years ago, I would have felt annihilated and I would have felt badly about myself, thinking that somehow I'd deserved the rudeness.  But this time, I realized it was about her, not me.  And while I wasn't rude, I didn't back down either.  I said and did nothing that I would regret, but I stood my ground.  I was ok with myself.  And in the end, she actually changed her attitude towards me.

Did I love Bra Shopping Experience #3?  Not particularly.  But I'm ok with it now, too.  I think I'll go back to the same store a month from now to check out their fall selections - maybe even get something in purple!

I'm wearing my latest bra at the moment and although it, too, sports underwire, it's a pretty darn good fit overall.

I think I did all right in there all on my own.


19 comments:

  1. Loved this post Ruth! I say go for the purple. I always think it would be fun to have a colored bra and then don't get one.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, it's embarrassing to say but I think the wildest I've ever been in colours is pink or black. Purple's sounding pretty good and I think it's one of this fall's colours!!

    Thanks Eileen...lovely to hear from you!!!

    Miss you,

    Ruth

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah, it's embarrassing to say but I think the wildest I've ever been in colours is pink or black. Purple's sounding pretty good and I think it's one of this fall's colours!!

    Thanks Eileen...lovely to hear from you!!!

    Miss you,

    Ruth

    ReplyDelete
  4. I keep meaning to try ordering online. I have heard that it can be a good option, and sometimes less expensive. Last time I went to an expensive bra store I practically had to remortgage my house. Though I guess I would have to commit to buying one locally because I would really need a proper fitting...it's been a few years

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Bra shopping, I have yet to meet a woman that doesn't have it on her list of things not enjoyed in life! I think bra's were invented by men, along with pantyhose!!! I have had one woman just reach in and re-arrange me to her hearts content and I stood there speechless and very uncomfortable. Oddly enough I think I'd actually be more comfortable with that now. I also find that the more I try on the more uncomfortable they all become to the point where I have no idea how the bra will feel "in real life" when I'm not all bent out of shape from uncomfortable undergarments.

    Purple is nice, but if you see one, go for cherry red - does something for my inner femininity, not to mention the look on hubbies face:-)

    I did find one without underwire but....umm err, let's just say there's an odd perkiness that happens with that one that makes me uncomfortable, certainly wouldn't be wearing it to church!!! Not sure why, but every time it happens so that one sits in my drawer! I thought I'd found the solution to pokey underwires only to discover a worse problem.

    You did more than all right, you did well, a well fitting undergarment without anyone touching, poking or staring during the selection process! Can you imagine if men had to select undergarments by a similar process and had sales people offering to "help" out - hmmm don't think that would go over very well...



    ReplyDelete
  6. I've recently discovered http://www.unbelievabra.com/ and there is no going back! There is underwire, but you can just follow the sizing instructions (do not order your regular size - it will be different!) and order online.

    I'm giving the bra the credit for all of the compliments I have received this week and my shoulders hurt less too!

    ReplyDelete
  7. THanks for the comments and the chuckles!

    And Allison, I laughed out loud when I read about the 'perkiness' that happens without underwire!! And I like the cherry red suggestion - who knows, maybe I'LL mortgage the house and buy purple AND red. lol

    Online bra shopping - never tried it. Seriously Melissa?? And they fit? OK, I will check out the website, and thanks for the tip...can't hurt to look and see what's there.

    Thanks guys!

    Ruth xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Melissa, I just checked out the website and had to ask...which one do you like? Also, doesn't the full back part bother you at all or make you hot?

    Ruth

    ReplyDelete
  9. I got the tankee to wear under a sleeveless dress for a wedding - anticipating that I would never wear it again - and I have worn it every day since! It might be hot on a 30 degree day, but it has not bothered me at all.

    The best thing about the full back is that weight is distributed more evenly, which has really helped my shoulders - regular bras have resulted in pinched nerves for me.

    I was able to buy mine at a store in town, but now that I know about them, I will order next online in order to get more selection. I am going to try the shortee next.

    The measurement instructions are strange, but they work!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks Melissa...I'm going to check them out...and I have a feeling I'm going to be trying one out.

    Much appreciated!

    Ruth

    ReplyDelete
  11. Some advice from someone who also wears underwire bras - always wash them in a lingerie bag to prevent the bra from getting caught up in other laundry in the washing machine (not sure if you already do this). It has helped me extend the life of my underwire bras.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks Janna. I actually almost always wash them by hand! Gets annoying. I occasionally throw them in the washer but, yes, always in a lingerie bag...totally agree!

    Thanks for the comment!

    Ruth

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can't thank you enough for providing me with a laugh tonight! How did you know that I really needed that?!

    I just went on my own bra shopping experience last Wednesday for the first time in about 4 years. It was even worse than last time because this time, there was the owner in the stall with me AND a trainee!!! I don't think I want a trainee "working" on my "girls" (as they kept calling them!!!) It was an experience to be sure! I left there with what I came in for and I guess in the end, that's what matters. I even managed to turn down their offers for the matching underwear (the kind that may look nice but it certainly wouldn't feel nice to wear).

    ReplyDelete
  14. P.S. I really stepped out of my comfort zone this time and in addition to the "nude" boring one, I got blue, chocolate brown with flowers, and black with bright red!!! I was feeling daring!

    ReplyDelete
  15. A TRAINEE???? Oh Sharla, that is horrible...and HILARIOUS!!! LOL. What is it with bra shopping that it just has to be so horrible. I'm thinking that online is the way to go!

    But good for you getting out of your comfort zone, by buying something out of your comfort zone. Those colours sound awesome!! I'm doing the same thing soon.

    Hugs,

    Ruth

    ReplyDelete
  16. You've had some excellent suggestions for sure. At first I thought you were quite brave for the bra fittings, but by the time I got to the end of the post, I just wished that I could have been there to stick up for you! Yes, it would have been awkward seeing as we don't know each other. ;) However, there was no need for you to be woman-handled or exposed! I love that colour became a common comment, but I also think you shouldn't be afraid of a bit of extra lace to go with the splash of colour. Being a girl with quite a bit more fluff than I ought to have, I succumbed to plain old bras for a near eternity. Then, I ran across a ridiculous bra and was hooked. I despise animal prints, flashy colours, and overtly sexy undergarments. Or I thought I did. It was on a fabulous sale, so I convinced myself to take it home with the matching panties. Well, since then, I've continued to expand my collection and it really is a nice change. I bucked the trend of the plain jane bras and while I still keep a handful of utilitarian undergarments, I love that I've let a bit of fancy creep in. On the weekend, I'll be out chopping wood all day in drab denim and plaid, but underneath I've got a bit of sparkle going on just for fun.

    Good luck and may the next experience begin a less painful routine of purchasing such necessary tethering products!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oooo Janelle!!! That sounds awesome...love the 'bit of fancy' under the denim and plaid...kinda like a secret!

    And thanks for being willing to stick up for me - what a woman!

    Hugs,

    Ruth

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh- bra shopping. The only thing worse would have to be bathing suit shopping. I did both on the same day this summer. Big mistake!
    My last boutique experience had the fitter looking me up and down and assuring me that "I have just the bra that fits you lesser endowed women". After putting it on (thankfully on my own!), I had the door ripped open, was looked up and down again, and she announced, "well- I guess you could always just wear a camisole".
    How depressing- I dream of finding something in a pretty colour that would actually fit and doesn't make me look 12!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think that's brilliant to go bra and swimsuit shopping on the same day...and get the yucky stuff over with!
    But wow - that's just an awful comment that the bra fitter person made - it's like they don't think AT ALL about what they're saying, or just feel a freedom to make commentary on the bodies of the women they are supposed to be helping. I don't get it. It IS depressing.

    I've seen you many a time, Kristen...trust me, you don't look 12...and you're beautiful.

    I'd give up a whole lot of colourful bras (which I don't own yet!) to have a figure that's as slender and fit as yours!!!

    Ruth

    ReplyDelete