Whatever, my heart keeps saying, even though it should be plummeting into the depths of despair at the prospect of not passing court first time 'round. After all, so much rides on whether we pass court on the first date: whether we're able to travel to the children's birth region; whether we're able to meet with members of their bio family; whether we're able to meet privately with the children after court and give them our small gifts.
But the thing is, it's going to be ok. Maybe not on February 11th, but it's going to be ok. As desperately as I want to pass court while we're there, as much as I want to hear the judge grant us the right to parent these beautiful children, as devastated as I'll feel if we don't pass on the first try...it's going to be ok.
Here are two thoughts to consider:
1. God is in control. As a friend wisely said to me on Friday morning, He already knew that this wrinkle was going to materialize, and He's already got it figured out. Nothing can happen that is counter to His will. So I can relax.
2. God is in control. If we don't pass court while we're there, there is no doubt that Geoff and I will be very disappointed...crushed may not be too strong a word for that emotion. It will change the trajectory of our trip, and have a number of implications for our second, pick-up trip. But you know what? We'll deal with it and get over the disappointment, or at least reconcile ourselves to it, and we will prepare ourselves for a longer wait until we get through court. I have a deep and abiding sense of peace that we will pass court...whether it's the first time or not. God gave us the vision for these children; he will be faithful.
If I want to be a person of faith, then I need to choose to live my faith now. Now, when it matters. It won't mean lot if I say this stuff after we pass court. It's easy (well, easier), afterwards, to say that I believed God would be faithful to the plan I believe He gave us for our family. I want to go out on a fragile limb of faith and say now that I believe God has a plan for our family and that it was He who provided this vision for our family. I choose to rest in the knowledge and belief that He will see it through to completion.
So bring on our court date. I'm ready for whatever happens. Either we celebrate together, or we pick each other off the floor, give each other a dusting off, and move forward. Let's get this show on the road.