In the coming few days, I'll blog about the weekend leading up to Monday, and the events of Monday itself when we got the call. I'll also blog about the doctor's consult that we have this afternoon with the international adoption doctor in Edmonton...I'm really wanting to get this call behind us so that we can have a few questions answered and then get down to the business of finally and officially accepting our referral.
The more I think about everything, the more I realize that, in little things and in big things, God heard the innermost thoughts of my heart in the events that unfolded. For sure and without a doubt, he heard the really big desire of my heart: for siblings. But he heard, too, the things I'd dreamt and hoped about that I'd mostly left unspoken. Just a bunch of little things that would have been fine if they'd happened differently, but that God knew were important to me. Like a silly little thing about wanting to be in the privacy and familiarity of our home when we got the call; like really, secretly hoping that we'd have a boy and a girl, despite my fear of the certain hair issues I'll have (lol); like daring to be more specific to wish for the boy to be the older of two and not too far from Matthew's age, but not so close either that Matthew would come to question his first-child status (which was important for us to preserve); like really and truly hoping that, despite the broadness of our 0-63 month sibling request, we wouldn't receive a referral of an infant or one-year-old because I privately feel just a little beyond the baby stage already with Matthew being six and a half and me not getting any younger; like hoping the overall age spread between the kids wouldn't be too big because I'd always wanted children fairly close together in age and had been panicky about Matthew getting older every month. There were a few other things, too, that I'd whispered to God from the quietness of my heart, particularly in the days before we changed our child request from siblings, to one or two.
And God heard all of the things that I hoped and prayed for from the bottom of my heart, and answered them one by one:
- I was at home when we got the call...had just arrived home about fifteen minutes before the call came.
- Our referral was for a boy and a girl.
- Our little boy is twenty-one months younger than Matthew...just perfect!
- Our youngest is neither an infant nor one year old...she's two, and will be three in five weeks.
- The overall spread between all three kids is 3.5 years - so they are close together in age! In fact, just like Matthew is 21 months (and eight days) older than his younger brother, so too is his younger brother 21 months (and 21 days) older than their little sister.
I know that not everyone believes in God, or even in the existence of a God. I get that. And I'm no more deserving of these children than anyone else - so many families are waiting to create or complete their families through adoption and I'm in awe that this time it's our turn for a referral. God is real for me in these events, though. These days magnify for me the personal aspects of our relationship, though it's caught me off guard again. Why is it such a surprise to me that the One who knit me together in my mother's womb would know my innermost longings, the cries of my heart, the wishes of my darkest hours? Why am I so surprised that the God who gave us Matthew also heard my further heart-wrung longings and cries? We have experienced three distinct miracles. I am astounded by God. Utterly awed...again.
And with that in mind, now how am I supposed to sleep?!