Thumbs Down Fisher Price and More Thoughts on Technology

I heard recently that Fisher Price has introduced a special bouncy seat for young children that enables parents to attach an ipad to the seat so that young children (newborns and toddlers) can view videos or apps or even play games while sitting in their bouncy seats.

Seriously??

Infants and toddlers playing video games and watching movies while in their bouncy seats.

This makes my blood boil.

I was in a restaurant with the kids shortly before Christmas and saw a family at the table next to us where both parents were on their iphones and both of their children (boys, ages approx. one and four) were playing games on their own ipads.  They ate while playing with their gadgets.  I can't tell you how disturbed I was by that...I felt like going over to those parents and shaking them.

At the mall, I see parents and kids all the time sitting in the food court eating their lunches while playing games on their devices or thumbing/talking on the phone instead of with each other.

A few months ago on f/book, I read through comments posted by over twenty people who were discussing how many hours/day their two-, three-, and four-year old children were allowed on their ipads and in front of the tv.  More than a few parents said that when their second/third child was added to the family, they purchased an additional ipad so that each child could have his/her own.

What??  What is this world coming to?

Why don't we see how wrong this is?

Do I sound judgmental?  That's because I am.

I'm judgmental of myself, too, and a hypocrite to some degree.  I, too, have access to technology:

• I have a great (albeit 3.5 year old) computer and I use it regularly, for blogging, emailing, and for researching stuff related to schooling the kids; 
• after the kids have gone to bed, I might watch netflix on my computer or spend an hour researching or blogging; 
• my Christmas gift this year was a new cell phone after my three-year contract with the worst phone in the world finally came to an end; 
• I now text occasionally and my fingers have learned to push letters on that teensiest of keyboards.  I find texting a handy tool on occasion. 

But when I received my new phone in December, I asked my husband to tell me if he saw me doing the things I hate (ie. playing with my phone instead of engaging in the people around me, or doing a lot of texting/surfing/etc);  he was to tell me and I'd put myself on phone restriction.

Last Friday, I put myself on notice because I violated one of my own principles.  While I was chatting with a few other moms during our kids' music class, I left my phone on the table in front of me rather than in its usual spot in my purse; and when it rang, I interrupted our conversation to answer the phone.  The moment I answered it I felt a little sick...I still do.  The other moms I was sitting with were silent for that minute while I made plans with my sister for later in the day.  It was a completely non urgent call about something that surely could have been dealt with twenty minutes later, and it was disrespectful of the people I was talking with.  The other alternative would have been to let it go to voicemail and to later excuse myself from the room for a few moments so that I could deal with any message.  I am embarrassed by having taken that phonecall, and it was a needed reminder that my phone stays in my purse while I am in conversation with, well, people.

I don't have a problem with a phonecall if someone tells me that they are expecting a call and then briefly takes it; and I don't mind if people check to see who is calling because that's the emergency phone number for their kids.

But the kind of phonecall that I took last Friday was not ok with me.  Ironically, when I picked up the phone on that afternoon in the presence of those other moms, my sister's first words expressed her surprise (and delight?) that I was actually available and answering the phone; we spent the first 30 seconds of the call dealing with her shock.  Meanwhile, I was embarrassed that I had taken the call and wanted a do-over!

I'm fighting it, this urge to be connected to my technology in the ways I have described.  Despite its lure, I will not let myself be enslaved by the blatantly false message that I must be connected via my phone to the people in my life.  I hate it...and you're probably sick of hearing me say it by now.

With my kids, I'm at almost the opposite extreme of popular culture.  They have very little access to technology:

• My boys (ages 8 and 9) both have ipods, but they are used (with permission) for audio books and music (all of which are ok'd/downloaded by me).
• They watch tv and we do movie nights occasionally.  
• We own two old-model Leapsters and four Dora/Spiderman/Lightning McQueen cartridges that the younger kids are allowed to play with during summer drives to the cottage or in an airport on route somewhere.
• Lizzie has an 'old-fashioned' CD player in her bedroom with which to play her audio books and music CDs.
• My older two are, very occasionally, allowed onto my ipad (which I regret buying because we don't use it enough to justify the cost) in order to watch, for example, a Rainbow Loom tutorial (Matthew) or to do a phonics exercise (Seth).  

That is the extent of the technology they're allowed.  My kids do not play video games, x-box/playstation, or whatever other games and gaming systems are out there.  I wouldn't be entirely opposed to (extremely) limited use of these kinds of devices; the problem I have with them is that they are so addictive and because they would never remain extremely limited and because it becomes another thing to have to manage.  Also, frankly, kids don't need them and it's often harmful.  I'm just not prepared to go down that road yet.

I'm often criticized for not allowing my kids onto technology...something that always surprises me.  There are people who think I'm a little crazy, or at least off base.  After all, Matthew is almost ten!  I am regularly cautioned that my kids will likely get crazy addicted when they finally get to use video games or have access to the internet.  The other thing I hear regularly is that my kids will be 'behind' their peers because they won't know how to use such devices or play those games.

I don't care.  As parents our job is to do what's in our kids' best interests despite what's going on in the world around us, and if it's true that my kids will be 'behind' when it comes to keeping up with the Jones', I'm ok with that.  After all, it might take an embarrassing nano second for them to catch up on all of the things they missed out on.

But maybe, as the other argument goes, my kids will simply be more addicted to technology once they're finally allowed to access it.

Again, don't care.  At least during all of their formative and critical early years they are free of those addictions and have had time to develop other interests and learn to play and talk to people.  I'm going to hang on to a technology-limited life, for my kids' sake, for as long as possible.

Lest you think I'm naive, I can assure you that I know the day is coming where my kids will access technology and play video games.  I really do know that.  And I have one (at least) child who will struggle with knowing when to put the device down and simply live real life face-to-face, and who will struggle with the lure of the technology this child is so drawn to.  In time, they will all learn to use technology for the wonderful tool that it can be and will play games, etc etc.

But for now, this is my gift to them:  To resist popular culture for as long as possible and to keep them addiction-free for as long as possible.

I am convinced that the younger children are exposed to gaming and other technology, the more likely they are to form addictions...during childhood and during later life.

Technology is addictive...it's that simple...even for adults who are supposed to be mature enough to handle these things, and how much more so for our children.  It's addictive for me, too, when the lure of my computer presses upon me.

One person asked me just a couple of weeks ago what my children do all day without playing video games, etc etc.

I laughed.  In my head.

What do they do?

In addition to (very) minimal schooling, they play.  They play inside.  They play outside (even in -35 degree weather, and by their own choice).  They build forts, both inside and outside.  They create toboggan runs outside and cushion slides inside.  They play (non video) games.  They draw and do crafts and create art and use paper towel tubes to make slides for their teddies and large styrofoam sheets to create houses for their stuffies.  They wrestle.  They are read to and are learning to read for themselves as well.  They watch movies and some tv...and from time to time we'll enjoy at day at home of mostly tv watching, and that's ok.

Sometimes my kids are bored, too.  And that's a-ok with me.  Whenever they're bored, their first request is always to watch tv, and I say no in those moments, because they simply don't need to be entertained in order to escape boredom.  From my perspective boredom is a futility experience that they need to experience on a regular basis in order for them to learn that they can (and will) survive feelings such as boredom...and even thrive as a result of it.  Some of the kids' most creative endeavours are the result of boredom.

Over time, my kids will all be exposed to technology and we'll be faced with learning how to deal with it.  But that time has not yet arrived and so we don't yet have to grapple with those issues.  I'm aligned in spirit with the university professor we met on an airplane several years ago who, when he heard that we were h/schooling, encouraged us to keep our kid(s) as far away from technology as possible, for as long as possible.  He expressed profound sadness over how technology exposure had numbed his students and prevented them too often from engaging in life.  He expressed great conviction that the technological skills kids need when they're older can be picked up very easily when they ultimately need it.  And research, at least the stuff I've read, bears that out.

Please, could we say no to Fisher Price products that introduce babies and toddlers to gaming?  Surely what we need in this world is more relationship skills, not more thumbing skills.