Overwhelmed

I could hardly wait to get to Pottery Barn Kids last week, in San Diego.  My sister had agreed to come with me to help me put bedding things together for a little girl's room, but shortly before we arrived at the store, she saw another store that she wanted to go into first.  We agreed to meet up in Pottery Barn shortly, and I continued on into the store.

The whole left side of the store was full of girly bedding things.  I stopped in the doorway, feeling uncertain about where to go.  Shopping is never an area of strength for me and, as I've stated previously, I am at a complete loss as to how to outfit a girl with girly things...I'm just not great at these things.  But I squared my shoulders and bravely walked into the first display room, where beds were set up with all kinds of duvet covers, quilts, pillow cases, shams, and so on.  Next to one of the beds was a large basket filled with tiny little fabric dolls - each one barely longer than my hand.  I dug through the basket and randomly pulled out a doll, and it was a lovely little brown-skinned girl with long spirally hair.  It was the exact thing I'd been looking for, for a post-court gift (assuming we pass).

Suddenly, looking at that little doll, gazing around at all of the pinks and purples and greens and yellows, I felt overwhelmed.  I clutched the doll to my chest and started breathing hard; and before I knew it, I was crying, tears pouring down my cheeks.  An ugly cry right there in the middle of Pottery Barn.  I was taken completely by surprise by the strength of my emotions.  Where did that come from?  It was in that moment that I knew how very badly I wanted to bring our children home, and how very much I wanted a little girl, that little girl, in our lives.  I've tried so hard to be strong and stoic and maybe a little guarded, knowing that things aren't done yet and that we're not yet parents of those children.  But as I stood there crying, my heart felt such a powerful surge of longing for those two children that I still can scarcely comprehend it.  My fears about not knowing how to dress a little girl or 'do' her hair disappeared, and I suddenly just wanted her, them, home.  I want these two children to complete our family.

Soon after I'd collected myself, my sister came into the store and, with me holding tight to that tiny doll,  we hunted for, and purchased, duvet covers, sheets and pillow cases.  My faith purchase saw me collecting things in the palest of pink ginghams, greens, and a hint of fushias and yellows.   Heart- and flower-shaped decorative pillows completed the purchase, and the look for our daughter's bedroom has almost come together in my mind.

Next up on my list:  research bunk beds (single over double) for the boys' room so that we're ready to purchase if/when we pass court.  Matthew is itching to sleep on the upper bunk with his brother below him, and I, too, can hardly wait to complete that picture in my head!