Only two kids are awake yet and it's been too hard already. Not even 8 am and I'm snapping at the ones who are awake. I feel utterly unable to deal with Seth's language and alpha issues today, and impatient with Lizzie's usual drama. Matthew's not awake yet so I don't know what he's going to present that I won't want to handle.
It's interesting how all of the developmental work I'm striving to embrace and model goes down the toilet in just an hour of hard starts; I've had to hide myself in the bathroom for a few minutes just to collect myself, regain my equilibrium, and put back on the parenting hat that I shelved earlier.
I don't mean to dump on Geoff here, but honestly, there are days.... Since early January he's been immersed in one of his annual busy seasons at work and has been gone for days/nights at a time most weeks since then. He was good enough to plan for me to go on a silent retreat a few weeks ago, to give me a 24 hour break in the midst of it all, but I'm afraid that's not been enough to sustain either my energy and patience. In addition, last Thursday evening, when he made sure to be home so that I could enjoy my usual night out (he is trying), I decided not to go out because the kids really wanted (and needed, to be honest) to be with all of us at home together. Added to which this week is Reading Week at the universities around here, which means that our gym and skating programs were cancelled this week...which means I haven't even had that usual hour to to unwind and drink a cup of tea. It's been two full weeks since I've had even an hour to myself - including at night time, since when Geoff's away, one of the kids is usually in bed with me....talking until they fall asleep and then kicking until morning.
None of this makes for a good start and sometimes it's just the straw that breaks the camel's back. I wish the day were already over.
Sadly, I have no one to whine to at this early-ish hour of the morning and so you, dear reader, are now also the recipient of my foul temper.
It'll be better soon...I'm not one to linger in this state. I'll take a few deep breaths and know that God has heard my prayer and will provide what I can't today. But it's good to vent just a little. Thanks for listening.