tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post3555237925626671058..comments2023-10-23T20:14:05.916-05:00Comments on Ruth's Rambles...: What's in a Name?Hi from Ruth!http://www.blogger.com/profile/04696686601621200587noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-81720865722638343242011-04-09T10:42:16.888-05:002011-04-09T10:42:16.888-05:00Hi Ruth,
When I was a child, I decided I wanted to...Hi Ruth,<br />When I was a child, I decided I wanted to be called by my middle name rather than my first name, as I suddenly decided I liked it better. When I didn't respond to my "new" name, I just went back to the first one after all. Looking back, how funny. Kids just seem to work it out for themselves sometimes.<br />AngelaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-86789856435386748592011-04-09T01:15:50.751-05:002011-04-09T01:15:50.751-05:00Thanks for posting this topic. I've been curio...Thanks for posting this topic. I've been curious too about other perspectives on this subject, so it was good to read all the comments. I appreciate your decision. You put a lot of thought into it, which is really great. <br /><br />We chose to keep our son's Ethiopian name. We didn't even give it a lot of thought. To me it just felt like the natural thing to do. He had a name. That's who he was. So we kept it. It just felt wrong to change it. It never even crossed our minds to change it. And he was only 2 months old at referral. However, we did give him a middle name, which is a common, easy to pronounce name. So, he has the option of using that name anytime as he gets older. And we thought about this when we chose the name, that he may one day want to be called by his middle name rather, which would be ok by us. Some kids do this. We have a nephew (not adopted) who's been called by his middle name since birth. When he became a teenager, he decided he wanted to be called by his first name. <br /><br />In the last few years, I've learned a lot more about parent's decisions regarding name choices, and I've come to respect those opinions and decisions. I realize that having a North American name can make things a lot easier for the child. If we knew then what we know now, we may have put a little more thought into it, but I would still have a really hard time changing a child's name.Conniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05465229000480346898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-91171712547968458402011-04-04T21:21:28.374-05:002011-04-04T21:21:28.374-05:00So many wonderful comments - thank you for so much...So many wonderful comments - thank you for so much food for thought!!<br /><br />Eun Mi - thank you especially for your comment; as an adoptee yourself, and one whose name was changed, your perspective is invaluable. I'm so glad that you were able to reclaim your name, and I appreciate your comment about ADDing, versus taking away. Thank you so much.<br /><br />Blessings,<br /><br />RuthHi from Ruth!https://www.blogger.com/profile/04696686601621200587noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-33054027582617015332011-04-04T18:35:52.248-05:002011-04-04T18:35:52.248-05:00I think that you did the right thing. As a korean...I think that you did the right thing. As a korean adoptee, my orphanage name was taken away. At 40+ years old, I went back to Court and reclaimed it. I believe that it is fine to ADD, but not take away - we've already had enough taken away.Eun Minoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-35844686638200474702011-04-04T12:03:19.766-05:002011-04-04T12:03:19.766-05:00When we received our referral for the boys, we cho...When we received our referral for the boys, we chose names for them. Our intention was to keep their given names as second and third names, and to call them by the names we chose. When we met our son (3 at the time) we realized he "was" Selamu and if just felt funny calling him anything else. We did, at that time, begin to call our younger son (9 months) both his given name and the name we chose. We used both names for quite awhile (my husband ONLY used his given name), but now he goes only by his given (Ethiopian) name. We did change the spelling from Sisay - which visually looks a bit like sissy and is usually pronounced incorrectly when people are reading it - to Sisaye. That has helped people with the pronounciation. Our son Selamu's name is often mispronounced by adults, but, interestingly, kids have no problem with his name. He often just goes by "Sel" to make it easier, but he also does not have a problem speaking up and correcting people when they mispronounce his name.<br />I think what solidified our decision, was the knowledge that we will continue to visit Ethiopia (and people who knew the boys there) and I wouldn't be comfortable using the names we chose when we are in Ethiopia. At the end of the day, I realized that I was changing Sisaye's name for me, for my reasons, and because I wanted to name my son, just as I had named my daughter - but deep down, I felt that I was taking his name away.<br /><br />It took over a year for us to make a clear decision about Sisaye's name. I think it is wise of you to be going into this keeping your options open!shaunakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09972761067319805973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-79017687552149351832011-04-04T11:06:50.853-05:002011-04-04T11:06:50.853-05:00Do you have an e-mail address you can be reached a...Do you have an e-mail address you can be reached at?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-13849372105448201522011-04-04T09:36:08.792-05:002011-04-04T09:36:08.792-05:00This is so totally a personal thing, and there sho...This is so totally a personal thing, and there shouldn't be any judgement from any corner!<br /><br />We adopted an older child & had chosen a name for her - but when I saw her picture, God whispered a name into my heart - a totally different name for her from the ones we had chosen. Her African name starts with an X, and is pronounced with a click of the tongue. Plus the meaning is "I'm sorry". She told us that she doesn't like her name, and we've talked about it some - I told her that if I had been her mom, I'd hope she'd see that as a message of love - as well as an expression of sorrow & regret. She really lit up about that! <br />We explained the names we had chosen, what it means (beautiful), and why we chose it (God chose it, really)! And why we thought it would be a good idea to use it (nobody in Canada clicks when they talk!) Plus, the sound is very close to her African nickname, minus the click! :) And told her to think about it. Which she did - for about 5 seconds. She prefers the name we chose - but I plan to revisit the issue in the future, just to check up. You never know.Mrs Changsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17840252521875408953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-68242417857032435672011-04-03T21:44:59.008-05:002011-04-03T21:44:59.008-05:00Thank you all so much for your comments...and keep...Thank you all so much for your comments...and keep leaving them. I'm so interested in what people have to say on this subject!<br /><br />And Flora, you are so right about how much easier it is sometimes to be judgmental rather than supportive in this journey that parenting is! I know I struggle with this at times, anyway.<br /><br />Hmm, so much food for thought in what you've all written. Keep it coming!<br /><br />RuthHi from Ruth!https://www.blogger.com/profile/04696686601621200587noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-90546864775849314462011-04-03T17:29:42.929-05:002011-04-03T17:29:42.929-05:00Ruth,
Your blog is always very insightful. It ha...Ruth,<br /><br />Your blog is always very insightful. It has prompted me to write one of my own on this very topic because it's something we struggled with as well. If you are interested please have a look. You can find it at<br /><br />thesandaus at blogspot dot com<br /><br />By the way, I love the names you chose.<br /><br /><br />Wishing you speedy timelines back to your kids.Angela Sandauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10951992189043963531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-74149162459499703462011-04-03T15:53:29.628-05:002011-04-03T15:53:29.628-05:00Their given names are lovely, your chosen names ar...Their given names are lovely, your chosen names are lovely, but aside from all that irrelevant loveliness, your family will LOVE them as human beings. <br /><br />Whether you change their names or not, growing up in a loving home means that, even if they decide they want to go back to their birth names or move to western names later on, they will know they are safe starting that conversation with you.<br /><br />And they will grow up knowing that a rose by any other name does indeed smell as sweet :)Caitlin Wrayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06683662224096157734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-31470876040394727082011-04-03T14:53:32.885-05:002011-04-03T14:53:32.885-05:00Hey Ruth!
I love that you opened up this dialogue...Hey Ruth!<br /><br />I love that you opened up this dialogue! There definitely is no right or wrong here...as parents we try to make the best decisions for our children...and the claiming piece is part of this process that manifests itself in many ways. Because many ETH names can be tricky to pronounce, I struggled with this myself as I really wanted to be able to keep the name of the child who would be referred to us. Luckily our daughter`s name is easy to pronounce so it instantly became a non issue although I have spent far too many hours trying to come up with a middle name that has meaning and a personal connection. What I hadn`t considered is what happens if our little patootie doesn`t want to go by her ETH name....thanks for the food for thought! Have you read Toddler Adoption: The Weaver`s Craft..it has some good info on naming..i may have to re-read it to check on what it suggests if a child wants a different name..<br /><br />Take Care!<br />TraceyTracey Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18254069412657327804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-28926603435010434002011-04-03T11:56:04.899-05:002011-04-03T11:56:04.899-05:00Just one thought regarding the potentially problem...Just one thought regarding the potentially problematic pronunciation of Asrat - it is also common for people to simply change the spelling of the name slightly in order to prompt a more correct pronunciation from English speakers. Eg Azrat instead of Asrat.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-48842306557862662422011-04-03T11:54:14.073-05:002011-04-03T11:54:14.073-05:00I loved this post..and it is JUST what we have bee...I loved this post..and it is JUST what we have been discussing 'round here. :) GReat post! :) darcdarcihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11729565512380024608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-91601232538128308882011-04-03T08:56:26.996-05:002011-04-03T08:56:26.996-05:00I have been thinking about this topic for years! l...I have been thinking about this topic for years! lol<br /><br />I didn't know what we would do (and still don't really). Our son's name is Mekuria. He is 3. When I went to Ethiopia I learned 2things: 1. It is pronounced Merk-Kria with a rolling r. 2. His birth mother chose the name b/c she liked it and wasn't attached to it and it didn't have special meaning.<br /><br />Mekuria's friend from birth is now home in Canada. She calls him Mek or Mekki. So I guess these are his nicknames. <br /><br />We are going to call him Michael Mekuria. We chose to give him a new first name in case he would like a North Amercian name. I also thought about 18 years in the future when he was applying for jobs etc. (unfortunate reality)<br />It was also my father's name, so it has meaning. And of course, no one can pronounce Mekuria correctly. We always refer to him as Mekuria but when he is home we will prob end up calling him Mek, which is short for Mekuria and Michael sort of. And I shorten everyone's name. lol<br /><br />Complicated hey? I will let you know how it works out and what he ends up using as his name! I think it could go a couple of differnt ways! In the end it will be whatever he wants! :)John and Aliciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03402116123945148242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-75384375764788834712011-04-03T08:05:51.859-05:002011-04-03T08:05:51.859-05:00BTW, Mim, thanks for the congrats!! I've been...BTW, Mim, thanks for the congrats!! I've been terrible at blog reading myself in past month or so.<br /><br />Love that you instantly knew of the P&P reference.<br /><br />Take care...and see you on YOUR blog soon.<br /><br />Blessings,<br /><br />RUthHi from Ruth!https://www.blogger.com/profile/04696686601621200587noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-36901402242513148682011-04-03T08:04:52.635-05:002011-04-03T08:04:52.635-05:00Love all of the perspectives. Thanks...and keep t...Love all of the perspectives. Thanks...and keep them coming!<br /><br />RuthHi from Ruth!https://www.blogger.com/profile/04696686601621200587noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-17054689445659334902011-04-03T07:12:33.594-05:002011-04-03T07:12:33.594-05:00You are so right- there is no one 'correct'...You are so right- there is no one 'correct' answer to it. We were convinced we were going to keep our daughter's Rwandan names and give her a 'family' middle name so that she had some connection to our lineage too. But then I have read several articles of adult adoptees who appreciated being given 'Western' names to fit in better. Then, there is the age consideration. To be called one thing for the first however years of your life, then something new all of a sudden could be confusing. But a baby really wouldn't know much different.<br />We have also been told it is very common in many African cultures to be called different names depending on the relationship between two people, so they are used to being called a few different names anyways. I know this is certainly the case in the orphanage we are adopting from- parents have gone to meet their children to discover their given name is not what they are being called by caregivers anyways (they have a nickname). The long and short of it- we don't have a clue what we are going to do until we find out how old she is, what her name is, and what she looks like (I couldn't name my 2 bio children until I saw them)!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-36848443924333784512011-04-03T01:24:03.036-05:002011-04-03T01:24:03.036-05:00Wow, Ruth, you are right, this is such a weighted ...Wow, Ruth, you are right, this is such a weighted issue! <br />Our daughter is 5, and we personally have decided to keep her Ethiopian name and added a middle name that we chose, for many of the reasons that you mentioned; an identity wrapped around her name, the fact that she is 5, and also for the reason that her mother chose that name for her...now one could totally make the argument that we (my hubby and I) have already been able to name our other 3 children, and so perhaps it is not so important to us as to others who have never had the opportunity, and they would be right.<br />I used to feel rather strongly on this subject (but that's just normal!) and then I had a personal epiphany (who doesn't love that word?), that motherhood is already rife with judgments and opinions as to how we should raise our bio children, let alone throwing in the minefield of adoption related issues that go along with raising an adopted child. I believe that at the end of the day, this job is hard enough. We are all trying to do our best, and we will all do something the way that someone else would not have done, or done differently, etc. What we need to do is support each other in raising our children, bio or adopted, the best we know how.<br /> Ruth, I know that you LOVE those children, and will make a wonderful mother to them, so I say, those are beautiful names, with special meanings, and never let anyone make you feel like you should do otherwise. Contrary to what many believe, we don't all have this thing figured out!<br /><br />Flora<br />BTW my oldest daughters middle name is Lieske, which is the Dutch version of Elizabeth, so I am a bit biased :)Floranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-29224007010495676452011-04-02T23:28:06.191-05:002011-04-02T23:28:06.191-05:00*wanders into your blog after something like a mon...*wanders into your blog after something like a month of failing to read it* <br /><br />Well, haven't I missed an exciting time?! *MASSIVE HUGS OF HAPPINESS* :) :) :)<br /><br />Do you know, I totally knew Lizzie was a P&P reference as soon as I saw the name :-)mimbleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10907569024689875694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-68204176950830078132011-04-02T23:27:05.165-05:002011-04-02T23:27:05.165-05:00Great post, Ruth. I had wondered what we will do ...Great post, Ruth. I had wondered what we will do when the time comes. I have been torn with giving a new name to an older child, when she will have lost so much that is familiar. I think we are going to choose a few names we like and then see what her first name is. We have a very difficult to pronounce, long, convoluted greek last name. It is 14 letters long, with 5 o's. So to saddle a kid with that monstrosity, as well as a possibly difficult to pronounce first name they would be forever spelling out for people seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me!!! SO far, I am looking at simple first names, like Lily, Sophia, Zoe..short and sweet, and then keeping her given name as a middle name. But, we shall see...maybe she will have a very short, easy to pronounce name that will go well with our massive last name? There's always a chance!!!<br /><br />I think their names are lovely, by the way. Names with meaning behind them, chosen with love, are always a great fit!<br /><br />ClaireBCMommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05605130303718384216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2528470033811673980.post-2956042511486658882011-04-02T22:53:47.648-05:002011-04-02T22:53:47.648-05:00I feel very similarly to you Ruth. In the country...I feel very similarly to you Ruth. In the country I am adopting from, there are two additional issues: (1) children are often named by orphanage staff and not always in names from their culture and (2) there is a tradition to name children with negative words during hard times (e.g. "ugly"). <br /><br />There are so many things to think about when naming a child, I just hope to have an open mind and be flexible when my time comes. Most importantly, I want to love my child's name, whether it is her original name or not! <br /><br />I love the name Elizabeth, it is one of my favourites :)Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08889961219331055408noreply@blogger.com